I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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