Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
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