you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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