Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
