Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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