Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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