No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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