just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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