is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
