just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
