were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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