Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
