Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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