I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
