So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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