You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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