We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
