Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
