I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
