we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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