It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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