listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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