Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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