you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Found your dick twin last night
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
