So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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