The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
