i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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