Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
