You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
