hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
