I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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