i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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