Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
