I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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