It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
