Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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