Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
