i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
