It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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