never play flip cup with pint glasses
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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