Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
