i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
