She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
