How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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