this just has baby written all over it
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
