funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
