My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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