I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Randomize
