Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
