So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
