you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
