Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
