I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
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