Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Your cock deserves a montage
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
